Dear Menacing Driver,
Where do I even begin? You scared the crap out of me and Ryan. Thanks for that. All we were trying to do was go to school, but no. You had to go and make the day much more eventful. And, you even got your lady friend in on it, great job. Now, you have to realize that you’re not in a movie chase scene and that chasing people on bicycles, especially while you’re in a car is wrong, not to mention dangerous. And, as a witness to the events of a morning about a week ago, I can safely say that Ryan did absolutely nothing wrong. He was riding in front of me, you buzzed past me way too quickly, saw Ryan in front of you and started honking like there was no tomorrow. To avoid your fury, Ryan moved over toward the crosswalk and simply crossed the street there. I then pulled my bike up onto the sidewalk and followed suit.
Then, you started driving right next to Ryan and yelling at him to pull over and that if he didn’t you were going to, “call the police.” Oh la la. What the hell did you think you were going to tell them? “These cyclists were calmly riding along, but the sight of them pissed me the fuck off so I decided to chase them!” Yes, put your tax dollars to work. I feel like they’d side with you no problem, Sir. I’m so sorry we didn’t get the memo that the street belonged to your grandfather and that you have a thing against peaceful cyclists.
But, yeah, you didn’t quit there. Ryan didn’t stop for you, so you continued to chase him and another heroic citizen, who of course had no idea what was going on, decided to intervene. So, not only did we have you, but your new buddy pursuing us and actually trying to push Ryan off the road in an attempt to detain him. Luckily this guy didn’t see me and I rode off unnoticed.
However, my friend, you still had us in your sights. This scene was literally like something out of Death Proof, but with bicycles. You were locked on your targets like a torpedo. At the end of the street where the scene was taking place we normally take a slight right and then continue straight to stay on the road. Ryan did that and I tried to follow, but you brought your car to a screeching halt and exited the vehicle, woman in tow. Both of you were yelling with faces turning red and veins bulging. At this point there was nowhere to move thanks to your car and the rest of the morning traffic. As you turned to look at me, I turned my bike around as quickly as possible and sped off–in the wrong direction. I didn’t look back, but, I guess you couldn’t get in your car quickly enough because, thank goodness, you never found us again.
All I know is that I peddled as fast as I’ve ever peddled to school in my life. I’ve never actually been pursued by someone who was harboring ill intent, so congratulations; I believe you’re the first person to make me fear for my safety. Actually, double that, mine and my boyfriend’s safety. I hope you told this story to one of your friends and now they think that you’re a complete moron. I’ve heard of really bad cases of road rage before, like where that guy shot the other guy with a crossbow. That was in the States where a lot of morons are allowed access to lethal weapons and I don’t thinkthe same thing flies in France, but one can never know. I hope not. Anyway, I’m glad that, as far as I know, you didn’t have anything that could be used as a weapon. But, I’d like to say that you’re a moron and asshole, violent and scary. You really need to take a chill pill or masturbate more often (I heard it helps relief tension) before you die of a stress induced heart attack. Hope to never see you again.
Sincerely,
Crystal
Crystal can be reached at crystal@styleflavors.com.
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