My Dear French Landlord,
As a property owner you want to keep it looking nice, you’re not a slumlord. When Ryan and I arrived at our Montpellier studio everything seemed, as the French say, “propre.” Besides being a little cluttered by your tacky knickknacks, everything was in order and seemed clean, that is until I went to change the sheets…
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Dear Michele Bachmann,
It seems that you have a very interesting stance on the political future of the United States. As far as I knew you were a Tea Party candidate, but then you surprise us all by saying that the U.S. should be less socialist, just like China. Yes, the People’s Republic of China…
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Dear Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar,
Congratulations on your soon-to-be twentieth wait, twentieth child? Here’s a silly notion, stop procreating… I know that the question, “why have so many kids,” has been brought up numerous times, but really, do you need that many? It seems to me that you’re being extremely greedy. There are tons of couples out there wishing that they could produce just one child and here you are, flaunting the fact that your middle aged sperm and eggs still work. Michelle, you’ve been pregnant for nearly half of your fertile life. Don’t you ever wish you could have a vacation?…
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Dear OneMillionMoms.com,
I heard that you’re extremely offended by Ben & Jerry’s limited edition SNL inspired ice cream flavor, Schweddy Balls. I’ve also heard that you’re going to attempt to have it taken off the market. Good for you. Obviously you have to fill the gap in your schedule between scrapbooking club and stocking up on 100 packs of toilet paper at BJ’s. Actually, I’m surprised you haven’t tried to boycott BJ’s because of its innuendo-bearing name – but that’s because it doesn’t have the same vulgar connotation as balls right?
So, you’re afraid that your innocent little children will stumble across this aptly named flavor, what with its loads of fudge covered rum balls and malt balls …
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