After telling a friend about my boyfriend Ryan and my last day at our Montpellier studio, she said, “I think you have to kill something good inside yourself to become a landlord.” And here’s why she said that about you, chere ami. We’d kept the place clean and cleaned it on our last day and left everything as it was when we moved in. But you decided to throw a fit and try to say that we trashed the place. May I remind you that it was so dusty when we moved in that I couldn’t stop sneezing until I cleaned up after you? Or that the mattress and pillows were covered in drool, blood and who knows what else? I’m gagging just thinking about it.
You have hard water, so it’s not my fault that I couldn’t get the lime scale off of your shower. I tried several times with the best damned Monoprix cleaning products that money could buy to no avail. Let me tell you, I was only trying to be nice by leaving some salt, pepper and coffee behind; it wasn’t a lack of respect like you said. That doesn’t even make sense. I’m so incredibly sorry that my shitty instant coffee offended you that much. To be honest, it wasn’t that great and it kind of offended me too.
Also, your comment about me not caring about the environment because I washed clothes a few times a week was really uncalled for. I switch off my lights when I’m not in the room, I recycle, I try to eat organic, and the list goes on so what do you want from me? I admit that I washed clothes more than is normal for me. But that’s only because the dank little studio you rented to us had no ventilation and things ended up getting moldy all the time. Not a little musty, but straight up, “there is some nastyass, green mold growing on my fucking walls. I think it’ll grow arms, sneak up behind me and kill me.”
Then you tried complaining because your utilities bill went up upon our arrival. Don’t you get that your utilities bill will absolutely go up from having two other people living below you in the same building? Unless those people don’t shower, or need light to read or cook or do anything that a lot of modern humans do, then you’ll pay more for utilities. I guess you save a lot on water from not brushing your teeth. They look like corn on the cob; you should probably see a dentist about that.
Then, to top things off, a hinge on the toilet seat broke the day we were leaving which you tried to turn into, “you guys broke the entire toilet!” No, a €10 hinge broke; we didn’t rip the whole toilet out of the ground. I bet you snuck in while we were gone and unscrewed it so you could get more money out of us.
One of the best parts of this was that you actually tried to keep our almost €800 security deposit by saying that you’d pay us back later, after all the work was done on the, “mess we’d made.” And this would all be after we’d leftFrance. After my first fight in French, (Go me.) you agreed to give us back €500. Better than nothing I guess. You must have had a moment of clarity in your evil demon-y mind and realized that you were an idiot.
And now, after a few weeks home, I received an e-mail from you saying we owe another €201.94. You must really be crazy if you think I believe your made up invoice and will give you another cent. It did not take 16 hours to clean the place, we don’t owe you light bulbs and you didn’t need to get all of the sheets rewashed, and ironed.
In my opinion though, the very best part of all of this is that you sincerely wished us safe travels and a nice life after all the ranting and raving. WTF mate? You literally just finished screeching at me like a banshee. Well, I hope you go back on your meds, get your anger under control and calm the fuck down.
Have a nice life too,